What Is a Eulogy?
A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial service that celebrates the life of the person who has died. It is one of the most personal and meaningful parts of any funeral service, offering those who knew and loved the deceased an opportunity to reflect on who they were, what they meant to the people in their lives, and the legacy they leave behind.
Writing a eulogy can feel like an enormous responsibility, especially when you are also grieving. But most people who deliver eulogies find it a profoundly meaningful experience — a final act of love and tribute. This guide will take you through every step of writing and delivering a eulogy, from the first blank page to standing at the lectern.
Who Gives the Eulogy?
There is no rule about who must give a eulogy. In most cases, it is delivered by someone who knew the deceased well: a spouse or partner, a child, a sibling, a best friend, or a colleague. In some cases, multiple people give short eulogies — a family member, followed by a friend, for example.
If no one feels able to speak, or if the family would prefer, the funeral celebrant or officiant can deliver a tribute on behalf of the family, drawing on information that relatives and friends have shared. This is increasingly common and takes the pressure off grieving family members while still ensuring the service is personal and meaningful.
If you have been asked to give a eulogy, it is an honour — and it is completely normal to feel nervous, emotional, or uncertain where to start.
How Long Should a Eulogy Be?
The ideal eulogy is between five and ten minutes when spoken aloud. This corresponds to approximately 700–1,200 words of written text, depending on how quickly you speak (most people speak at around 120–150 words per minute when nervous).
Most funeral services are 30–45 minutes in total, and a service may include music, readings, prayers, and one or two eulogies. If you are unsure how long your eulogy should be, discuss it with the funeral director or celebrant, who will know how the service is structured.
A eulogy of five minutes that is heartfelt and specific is always more powerful than a fifteen-minute speech that loses focus.
How to Gather Your Material
Before you start writing, take time to gather your thoughts and gather input from others. Even if you knew the person well, you may not know all aspects of their life. Speaking to family members, friends, and colleagues can reveal stories and qualities you were unaware of.
Consider the following prompts:
- What are your strongest, most vivid memories of this person?
- What made them laugh? What did they love?
- What were they proudest of?
- What impact did they have on the people around them?
- What phrases, sayings, or habits were distinctly theirs?
- What do you most want people to remember about them?
- What did they teach you, or what did they inspire you to do?
Write down everything that comes to mind without filtering. You will edit and shape it later.
Structure: A Simple Framework
A eulogy does not need to follow a rigid format, but most effective eulogies share a similar broad structure:
1. Opening (30–60 seconds)
Start with something that grounds the audience and establishes your relationship with the deceased. Avoid opening with "I was asked to say a few words today" — instead, try to open with a sentence that immediately brings the person to life. For example: "If you knew David, you knew that no gathering was complete without him disappearing into the kitchen and returning with food for everyone — whether he'd been invited to cook or not."
A powerful opening line creates an immediate emotional connection and tells the audience something true about the person.
2. A Brief Life Story (1–2 minutes)
Provide a brief narrative of the person's life: where they were born, where they grew up, key milestones such as education, career, marriage, and family. This gives context, especially for mourners who may not know the whole story. Keep this section concise — a chronology of facts alone does not make a moving eulogy.
3. The Heart of the Eulogy: Character and Stories (3–5 minutes)
This is the most important section. Rather than listing qualities (she was kind, generous, funny), demonstrate those qualities through specific stories and anecdotes. Stories are what people remember; abstractions are not.
Choose two or three anecdotes that capture the essence of the person. A funny story about their stubbornness, a touching moment that shows their kindness, a piece of advice they gave that you never forgot. Specific, vivid details — the exact phrase they used, the look on their face — make a eulogy come alive.
It is absolutely appropriate to include humour if it reflects the person's character. Laughter at a funeral is not disrespectful — it is a celebration of life, and it often provides mourners with much-needed emotional relief. The key is that any humour should be affectionate and would have made the person themselves smile.
4. Their Legacy and Impact (1–2 minutes)
Speak to what the person leaves behind — not just in material terms, but in terms of how they changed the people who knew them. What values did they pass on? What did they teach you? How did the world change because they were in it? This section moves the eulogy from the past to the present and future, which is where it needs to go emotionally.
5. Closing (30–60 seconds)
End on a note that brings comfort to the mourners. This might be a favourite quote or poem that meant something to the deceased, a direct address to them, a call on mourners to carry on a tradition they loved, or simply your own heartfelt farewell. Avoid ending abruptly — give the ending time to breathe.
Writing Tips
- Write for the ear, not the eye. Read every sentence aloud as you write it. A eulogy is a spoken piece; it should sound natural, not like a formal essay.
- Use short sentences. Long, complex sentences are hard to follow when spoken and harder still when you are emotional.
- Be specific. "She made the best Victoria sponge in Yorkshire" is more vivid and moving than "She was a good cook."
- Be honest without being unkind. A eulogy should be truthful, but it is not the place for complicated feelings. If the relationship was difficult, focus on what was good.
- Avoid clichés. Phrases like "she's in a better place" or "time heals all wounds" have been heard so many times they have lost their power. Fresh, personal language is always more moving.
- Print in large font. Print your final eulogy in at least 14-point font, double-spaced, with wide margins. You may be reading through tears and in poor lighting.
Delivering the Eulogy: Practical Tips
No matter how composed you feel before the funeral, it is entirely normal to become emotional during the delivery. You are not expected to maintain perfect composure — mourners will understand. However, the following tips can help:
- Practise aloud at least three or four times before the day, including once in the space if possible.
- Slow down. People speak faster when nervous. Consciously pace yourself.
- Pause deliberately. Pauses after emotional moments give you and the audience time to breathe.
- If you feel overwhelmed, stop, take a breath, and sip from a glass of water if one is available. The audience will wait patiently.
- Have a backup plan. Ask a trusted friend to be ready to step in and finish reading if you are unable to continue. Alternatively, give a copy to the celebrant or officiant.
- Look up occasionally. Eye contact with specific people in the audience — particularly family members — can create moments of real connection.
Should You Write It Down or Speak from Memory?
Always write your eulogy down and read from a printed script. Even the most experienced public speakers do not attempt to memorise a eulogy at a funeral — the emotional weight of the occasion makes it unreliable to depend on memory alone. Having the full text in your hands is a safety net that frees you to be present in the moment, rather than anxious about forgetting your next point.
This guide is provided by the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD), which represents funeral directing businesses conducting over 80% of all UK funerals. Find a trusted NAFD funeral director near you.
