Losing someone we love is one of life's most profound experiences. When a death occurs within a Jewish family, centuries of deeply meaningful tradition provide a framework that gently guides mourners through grief — from the moment of death through burial, the shiva, and beyond. Whether you are a Jewish family making arrangements, or a non-Jewish friend or colleague who has been invited to pay your respects, this guide will help you understand what to expect, what is required, and how to act with dignity and sensitivity.
The Foundation of Jewish Mourning: Kavod Ha-Met and Nichum Avelim
Jewish funeral traditions are built around two central principles. Kavod ha-met — honouring the deceased — ensures that the body is treated with the utmost respect from the moment of death until burial. Nichum avelim — comforting the mourners — shapes everything that follows, including the shiva and the wider mourning period. These values are not merely ceremonial; they are the beating heart of Jewish mourning practice.
What Happens Immediately After Death
Shmirah: Watching Over the Deceased
Jewish law requires that the body is never left alone between death and burial. A shomer (guardian) sits with the deceased, often reciting Psalms, to ensure the body is never unattended. This is a profound act of respect — the belief being that the soul remains close to the body and deserves companionship during this transition. Many Jewish communities organise shmirah through their synagogue or the chevra kadisha.
The Chevra Kadisha: The Holy Society
The chevra kadisha (literally, 'holy society') is a Jewish burial society responsible for the ritual preparation of the body. This is considered one of the most sacred acts of kindness in Judaism — a chesed shel emet, or 'true kindness', because the deceased can never repay it.
The preparation involves tahara — a meticulous ritual purification in which the body is carefully washed and dressed in simple white linen shrouds called tachrichim. For men, a tallit (prayer shawl) is often also placed around the body. The tahara is performed by trained members of the same gender as the deceased, and is carried out with great care and dignity. If you are making funeral arrangements, contact your local synagogue or Jewish community organisation to connect with the chevra kadisha as soon as possible after the death.
Jewish Burial Requirements
Burial as Soon as Possible
Jewish law calls for burial to take place as swiftly as possible — ideally within 24 hours of death, though in practice this is often 2–3 days in the UK to allow for legal requirements (such as obtaining a death certificate and registering the death) and to give family members time to travel. Burial does not take place on Shabbat (Friday sundown to Saturday nightfall) or on Jewish festivals, so timing can sometimes shift accordingly.
Registering the death in England and Wales must be done within five days (in Scotland, within eight days), so families should act promptly. An NAFD-accredited funeral director experienced with Jewish funerals will understand the urgency and help move everything forward efficiently. /find-a-funeral-director/
The Simple Wooden Coffin
Jewish tradition requires burial in a plain, simple wooden coffin — typically with no metal fittings. This reflects the belief in equality in death (no person should be buried more grandly than another) and ensures the body returns to the earth naturally, in keeping with the principle of dust to dust. Metal components slow decomposition and are therefore avoided. Some communities, particularly Sephardi Jews, may wrap the body in a shroud without a coffin, depending on the laws of the country and the specific traditions followed.
Earth Burial — Cremation and Embalming
Orthodox and many traditional Jewish communities consider cremation prohibited. The body must be buried whole and intact in the earth. Embalming and post-mortems are also generally avoided unless legally required, as they involve interference with the body. Families should communicate this clearly to the funeral director and, if relevant, to medical authorities at the earliest opportunity.
Progressive and Reform Jewish communities may hold different views on cremation, so it is always worth discussing this sensitively with the family and their rabbi.
Jewish Cemeteries in the UK
Most Jewish communities in the UK have their own Jewish burial grounds, either independent or affiliated with a synagogue or burial society. In 2026, major Jewish cemeteries can be found across the country, including in London (Golders Green, Rainham, Bushey), Manchester, Leeds, Birmingham, Glasgow, and Brighton, among many others. Contact your local synagogue, the United Synagogue, the Spanish and Portuguese Jews' Congregation, or the Liberal Judaism movement (depending on your denomination) to find the appropriate burial ground.
It is important to note that most Jewish cemeteries require the deceased to be Jewish (defined differently by different movements) and that arrangements are made through the relevant Jewish burial society. Some cemeteries have dedicated sections for different Jewish denominations.
The Jewish Funeral Service
The Hesped: Eulogies
A Jewish funeral typically includes a hesped — a eulogy or series of eulogies — that honours the life and character of the deceased. These are usually delivered by the rabbi, family members, or close friends. The hesped is an opportunity to celebrate the person's unique qualities, their deeds, and their relationships.
Keriah: Tearing the Garment
Before or at the funeral, close mourners (traditionally a spouse, parent, sibling, or child of the deceased) perform keriah — the tearing of a garment or black ribbon as an outward sign of grief and loss. This is often done in the funeral home or at the graveside. The rabbi or funeral director will usually guide mourners through this.
Prayers and Psalms
The funeral service includes readings from Psalms, prayers in Hebrew, and often the recitation of El Maleh Rachamim — a deeply moving memorial prayer asking for the soul's peaceful rest. The Kaddish (the mourner's prayer, which is actually a declaration of faith rather than a prayer for the dead) is recited at the graveside.
At the Graveside
Mourners typically participate actively in the burial by shovelling earth onto the coffin — an act considered the final kindness one can do for the deceased. The shovel is usually turned upside down to mark the difference between this act and everyday labour, and it is customary to avoid passing the shovel directly from person to person (it is placed in the earth for the next person to pick up).
Sitting Shiva: Seven Days of Mourning
What Is Shiva?
Shiva (meaning 'seven' in Hebrew) is the week-long mourning period observed by the immediate family of the deceased following the burial. It is one of the most important and distinctive customs in Judaism — a structured, communal time for grief, reflection, and the receiving of comfort.
During shiva, mourners traditionally remain at home (usually the family home or the home of the deceased). The community comes to them — bringing food, sharing memories, offering comfort. This communal coming-together is central to the purpose of shiva: no one should grieve alone.
Traditional Shiva Practices
- Sitting low: Mourners traditionally sit on low chairs or cushions, symbolising that grief has brought them low.
- Mirrors covered: Mirrors in the shiva house are traditionally covered — various explanations are given, including avoiding vanity during mourning, or reflecting the disruption of normal life.
- Leather shoes not worn: Mourners traditionally do not wear leather shoes during shiva.
- No shaving or grooming: In Orthodox practice, mourners refrain from shaving and cutting hair during shiva.
- Work is not performed: Mourners do not work, cook, or engage in usual domestic activities. The community provides food — typically the seudat havra'ah (meal of condolence) on return from the cemetery.
- Prayer services at home: A minyan (quorum of ten Jewish adults) may gather at the shiva house for prayer services, allowing mourners to say Kaddish without leaving home.
The degree to which these practices are observed varies between Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, and Liberal communities. Always follow the lead of the family.
Visiting During Shiva: What to Do
Visiting a shiva house is a profound act of kindness. A few simple guidelines will help you pay your respects respectfully:
- You do not need to knock — the door is usually left open during visiting hours.
- Do not greet the mourner first — wait for them to acknowledge you. Mourners are not expected to perform social pleasantries.
- Bring food — practical contributions (cakes, fruit, prepared food) are warmly welcomed and deeply helpful.
- Share memories — talking about the person who has died is encouraged and comforting.
- Don't rush to fill silence — sitting quietly with a mourner is itself a form of comfort.
- The traditional phrase on leaving is: "Ha-makom yenachem etchem b'toch sh'ar aveilei Tzion v'Yerushalayim" — 'May God comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.' Many people simply say, 'I wish you long life.'
Beyond Shiva: Shloshim and the Year of Mourning
Shloshim: Thirty Days
Shloshim (meaning 'thirty') marks the end of the next mourning phase, thirty days after burial. During shloshim, mourners return to work and some normal activities but continue to refrain from celebratory events such as parties and concerts, and continue to recite Kaddish. For the death of a spouse, parent, sibling, or child, shloshim marks the end of the formal mourning period — except in the case of a parent.
Avelut: The Twelve-Month Period for Parents
When mourning a parent, the period of avelut (mourning) extends for twelve months (eleven months of Kaddish, as Kaddish is not recited for a full year to avoid implying the parent needed extended intercession). During this time, mourners traditionally avoid attending joyful celebrations.
Yahrzeit and Yizkor
The yahrzeit is the annual anniversary of the death, observed each year on the Hebrew calendar date. A memorial candle is lit and Kaddish is recited. Yizkor — a memorial prayer service — is recited in synagogue four times a year (on Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, Passover, and Shavuot) to honour the memory of the deceased.
Advice for Non-Jewish Attendees
If you have been invited to a Jewish funeral or to visit a shiva house and are not Jewish yourself, your presence is a meaningful gesture of support. A few points to bear in mind:
- Dress modestly — smart, sombre clothing is appropriate. Women may be asked to cover their heads in some Orthodox synagogues or cemeteries; men will usually be offered a kippah (skullcap) to wear.
- Follow the lead of those around you — if you are unsure whether to stand, sit, or join in a response, observe what others are doing.
- You are not expected to understand Hebrew prayers — your respectful presence is what matters.
- Flowers are generally not brought to Jewish funerals (charitable donations in memory of the deceased are more appropriate), though practices can vary.
- At the graveside, you may be offered a shovel to place earth on the coffin — this is an honour, and it is fine to participate if you wish.
Finding a Funeral Director Experienced with Jewish Funerals
Jewish funeral arrangements require sensitivity, speed, and specific knowledge of religious requirements. Not every funeral director will have experience with tahara, the requirements of the chevra kadisha, the sourcing of approved wooden coffins, or the logistical demands of swift burial. It is essential to find a funeral director who understands and respects these needs.
NAFD-accredited funeral directors are bound by a rigorous Code of Practice and are independently monitored. Many NAFD members have extensive experience supporting Jewish families. When you contact an NAFD funeral director, you can trust that your loved one will be treated with complete dignity, that religious requirements will be respected, and that the process will be handled with both competence and compassion.
Use our directory to find an NAFD-accredited funeral director in your area who has experience with Jewish funerals. You can also use our funeral cost guide to help you understand and plan for costs involved.
A Final Word
Jewish mourning traditions are among the most thoughtfully constructed in any culture — designed not to rush grief away, but to honour it. From the dignity of the tahara to the warmth of the shiva house, every custom exists to care for both the deceased and those left behind. If you are facing the loss of someone you love, we hope this guide brings a little clarity and comfort during what is, without doubt, one of the hardest times of your life.
