Nobody particularly enjoys thinking about their own funeral. It sits in the same mental drawer as writing a will or sorting out life insurance — something we know we should do, but quietly push aside for another day. Yet talking to families who have lost a loved one, one of the most common things funeral directors hear is this: "I just wish I'd known what they wanted."
Planning your own funeral isn't a morbid act. It's a profoundly generous one. It spares the people you love from having to make difficult decisions at the worst possible moment — often in a fog of grief, under time pressure, and terrified of getting it wrong. This guide will walk you through everything you need to know, from jotting down your basic wishes to exploring prepaid funeral plans.
Why Plan Your Own Funeral?
When someone dies, their family typically has between three and ten days to make dozens of decisions — burial or cremation, the type of service, the venue, music, flowers, readings, the coffin, the order of service, catering for the wake, and much more. For most people, these decisions must be made while also registering the death, notifying employers and banks, and managing their own profound grief.
Planning ahead removes that burden almost entirely. Here's what it actually achieves:
- Your wishes are honoured. Without guidance, families often default to what they think is "standard" — which may bear no resemblance to what you'd actually want.
- It reduces family conflict. When there are no instructions, siblings, partners, and parents can disagree painfully about the right thing to do. A written plan settles the question before it arises.
- It eases financial pressure. Average UK funeral costs in 2026 sit above £4,000 for a basic funeral, with many families spending considerably more. Planning — and potentially prepaying — removes this financial shock.
- It gives you peace of mind. Many people find that once they've sorted their wishes, they feel a genuine sense of relief and calm.
What to Include in Your Funeral Wishes
There's no single correct format for recording your funeral wishes. What matters is that they are clear, findable, and communicated to the right people. Below is a comprehensive guide to what to consider.
Burial or Cremation?
This is the most fundamental decision. In the UK in 2026, cremation remains the more common choice — accounting for around 80% of funerals — but burial is still widely chosen and carries deep meaning for many families, particularly those with religious or cultural traditions that require it.
If you choose cremation, think about what you'd like done with your ashes. Options include:
- Scattering in a meaningful location (note: some locations require permission)
- Interment in a cemetery or memorial garden
- Keeping at home in an urn
- Incorporation into jewellery, reef balls, or other memorial items
If you choose burial, consider whether you'd like a traditional burial, a natural or green burial (in a woodland or meadow setting, often without embalming or a conventional coffin), or a churchyard burial if you have a religious affiliation.
The Type of Service
Funerals are not one-size-fits-all. You might want:
- A religious service led by a minister, priest, imam, rabbi, or other faith leader
- A civil or humanist ceremony led by a celebrant, which can be deeply personal and completely secular
- A simple, private committal with just immediate family
- A large celebration-of-life service with hundreds of guests
- A direct cremation or burial (no service at all) followed by a separate memorial event
Write down your preference clearly. If you have a specific celebrant or officiant in mind — perhaps someone from your faith community, or a humanist celebrant you've encountered — note their details if possible.
Music and Readings
This is where your personality can really shine through. Consider:
- Specific songs or pieces of music — including any that might surprise people (there's no rule that says it has to be sombre)
- Whether you'd like live music or recorded
- Poems, scripture, or prose readings — and who you'd like to deliver them
- Whether you'd like family or friends to speak, and whether you want to leave guidance about what they might say
Practical Details
- Flowers: Do you want flowers? Are there particular flowers or colours that are meaningful to you? Would you prefer donations to a charity in lieu of flowers?
- Dress code: Some people request bright colours or a specific theme rather than traditional black.
- The coffin: From traditional wood to wicker, cardboard, or biodegradable options — you may have a strong preference.
- The wake: Where, what kind of food and drink, who should be invited.
- Charitable donations: If you'd like donations to a particular cause, name the charity clearly.
- Pallbearers: Are there specific people you'd want to carry your coffin?
- Order of service: Any specific structure or content you'd like included.
Personal Touches
Don't overlook the details that make a funeral feel truly personal. A favourite poem read by a grandchild, a piece of music from your wedding, a photograph that captures who you really were — these are the moments families remember most. You might even want to write a letter to be read at the service, or record a short video message.
How to Write Down and Store Your Funeral Wishes
Good intentions mean nothing if your wishes can't be found. Here's how to make sure they reach the right people.
Step-by-Step: Recording Your Wishes
- Write them down clearly. Use plain language. Avoid ambiguity. Handwritten notes are fine; a typed document is even better. There are downloadable funeral wishes templates available online — including through many NAFD-accredited funeral directors — which prompt you through every key decision.
- Keep them somewhere accessible. Your wishes should not be stored only in your will — wills are often not read until after the funeral has taken place. A separate document kept with your important papers (passport, insurance, will) is sensible.
- Tell someone where they are. Make sure at least two people close to you — a partner, an adult child, a trusted friend — know exactly where to find your wishes.
- Consider a digital copy. Email the document to yourself and a trusted contact, or store it in a secure cloud folder. Some people use a dedicated end-of-life planning app.
- Review periodically. Wishes can change. Review yours every few years or after significant life events.
The Most Important Step: Talking to Your Family
Writing your wishes down is vital — but it's not enough on its own. The most effective thing you can do is have a conversation with your loved ones about what you want.
This doesn't need to be a dramatic or difficult discussion. Many people find it easiest to raise the topic naturally — after watching a television programme about funerals, after attending someone else's service, or when sorting out other later-life admin like lasting power of attorney. You might simply say: "I've been thinking about what I'd want for my funeral, and I'd like to talk it through so you're not left guessing."
This conversation does something that a document alone cannot: it gives your family confidence. They won't just know what you wanted — they'll know that they know. That distinction matters enormously when they're grieving and second-guessing every decision.
Prepaid Funeral Plans vs. Simply Writing Your Wishes
Writing down your wishes costs nothing and provides real value. But some people want to go a step further and take the financial element off the table entirely. That's where prepaid funeral plans come in.
What Is a Prepaid Funeral Plan?
A prepaid funeral plan allows you to pay for your funeral in advance — either in a lump sum or by instalments — at today's prices. When the time comes, the funeral director delivers the agreed services at no additional cost to your family (for the elements included in the plan).
Since July 2022, all prepaid funeral plan providers in the UK have been regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA). This is an important consumer protection — it means providers must meet strict financial and conduct standards, and your money must be held in a trust fund or used to purchase a whole-of-life insurance policy.
When considering a prepaid plan, look for:
- FCA authorisation (check the FCA register at fca.org.uk)
- A clear breakdown of what is and isn't included
- Details of how your money is protected
- Whether the plan is portable if you move house or the funeral director closes
- What happens if costs exceed the plan value
Many NAFD-accredited funeral directors offer prepaid plans and can walk you through the options in detail, with no obligation.
Prepaid Plan vs. Writing Wishes: What's Right for You?
- Writing your wishes is free, flexible, and ensures your voice is heard. It doesn't protect against future price increases, and your family will still need to fund the funeral at the time.
- A prepaid funeral plan locks in the price, removes financial burden from your family, and can incorporate your wishes into a legally binding agreement with a funeral director. It requires an upfront financial commitment.
- A savings account ringfenced for funeral costs is another option — sometimes called an informal "funeral fund" — though this doesn't lock in prices and may be subject to inheritance tax considerations.
Use our funeral cost calculator to get a sense of what a funeral in your area might cost, which can help you decide whether a prepaid plan makes financial sense for your situation.
A Quick Checklist: Your Funeral Planning To-Do List
- ☐ Decide: burial or cremation?
- ☐ Choose the type of service (religious, humanist, direct, celebration of life)
- ☐ Select music and readings
- ☐ Note any personal touches or special requests
- ☐ Decide on flowers vs. charitable donations
- ☐ Consider the wake — location, tone, guests
- ☐ Write everything down clearly
- ☐ Store your wishes somewhere accessible (not just in your will)
- ☐ Tell at least two people where your wishes are kept
- ☐ Have the conversation with your closest family members
- ☐ Consider whether a prepaid funeral plan is right for you
- ☐ Review your wishes every few years
How an NAFD Funeral Director Can Help
You don't need to wait until a death occurs to speak to a funeral director. Every NAFD-accredited funeral director in the UK is trained to have sensitive, helpful conversations about funeral planning at any stage of life — whether you're 40 and just being sensible, or 80 and wanting to get everything in order.
NAFD members abide by a strict Code of Practice covering everything from transparent pricing to the dignified care of the deceased. All NAFD-accredited funeral homes are independently monitored, and there is an independent Funeral Arbitration Scheme available if you ever have a complaint. When you're making arrangements for yourself or someone you love, that accreditation provides genuine reassurance.
A good funeral director won't pressure you into anything. They'll listen, answer your questions honestly, help you understand your options, and — if you want — help you put a plan in place that gives your family exactly the gift you're hoping to give them: certainty, and one less thing to worry about.
Find an NAFD-accredited funeral director near you and start the conversation whenever you're ready.
